Bathrooms are always an adventure when on the road, especially in places like Africa and Asia. They’re like a box of chocolates – you just never know what you’re going to get! We North Americans take our mundane bathroom experiences for granted. Having an actual seat to plant your butt on is a real luxury in so many other parts of the world.
Our one month East African safari was…challenging. I don’t know why I thought I could deal with an all-camping budget safari through the East African bush. Cold showers, drop toilets, bush cooking. I think I overestimated myself. But there was a lot of learning to be had (like did you know it’s possible to bake apple crumble and bread and cookies over a pit fire?!) and I learned so many ways to pee and poo on the road, you would not believe it. When peeing outdoors (like, on the side of the highway!) the girls and I would do a little stomp and clap dance, just to scare all the snakes and bugs away. You have to pick a spot that slopes downhill towards your body so that you don’t create a puddle by your feet, or worse, splash on yourself. I’ve decided that wearing sandals while outdoor peeing is not pleasant. You practically have to do the splits to prevent the feel of splash on your toes. One tip: never ever ever forget to pack your own toilet paper. We had a supply in the safari truck but I basically stashed toilet paper in every nook and cranny I could find. Supposedly “drip drying” is an alternative but I drew the line before that. There is NO WAY. No way.
And don’t get me started on the state of the “real” bathrooms we had. After a while, I got used to pitch black toilet stalls with holes in the ground. The fun part was counting the seconds it took to hear the “splash” at the bottom of the hole. The sound of the echo told you how big the cavern was. We’d get real worried when toilets didn’t produce the sound at all, like it was an endless well to the centre of the Earth.
On the shores of Lake Malawi, our bathrooms and showers were so dark that I would just walk in with my eyes closed. It scared me less than trying to decipher the strange shapes that I could make out and I didn’t bother to use the torch light. Why in the world would I want to shine a light into an African drop toilet in the middle of nowhere?! These were cold, dark and damp, perfect for living, creepy, crawly things to start germinating on the walls and floors.
In Tanzania, we stayed in a converted horse farm and were SPOILED with dry drop toilets – these are apparently really environmentally friendly, less smelly and best for composting. We had hot showers there too (one of two hot showers we had during the 4 week trip!). Ahlehlooshaa for hot showers! Sometimes, perspective hits you like a brick in the face. HOT SHOWERS were heaven with a cherry on top! I was so happy I could have kissed the floor. S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y.
And somewhere else, on a lunch stop between campsites (not sure what country we were in) they had a proper Asian-style toilet at the restuarant (the kind with a hole in the ground and a proper flush). I never could remember which way to squat in those things but everyone told me to face the door. It was sweet for the place to have a huge bucket of water in there but thankfully, I had toilet paper in my pocket!
And in the Serengeti, at a campsite lit solely by our torch lamps, there came a real dilemma for us girls. Two toilets, one choice: use the one with the MASSIVE spider on the wall or the one where someone “missed” the hole altogether?! There was heated debate over this, at a small congregation of us girls by the doors. I decided to go be friends with the spider. I figured my fabulous singing would lull him to sleep. =)
And today, here I am in Japan, enjoying electronic bidet toilets with heated seats, push-botton washing and water temperature controls. OH PERSPECTIVE! How I love love love thee!
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