A Girl in the World

Grace

Write a gratitude journal.

That’s right.

Go find a blank notebook and title it “Things I am Thankful For”.  And you HAVE TO write in a book.  This exercise does nothing for you if you do it in your head.  You must write it down.

Every night, before you go to sleep, write down 5 things that you’re thankful for.   And why.  For example:

  1. The Rain.  It’s cold, miserable and dark but there is something cozy about the rain.  It makes me feel happy to come home to a warm, tidy apartment after work.
  2. My chat with D.U. today. He totally made me laugh and talked me through some new ideas that I’ve been floating in my head.  It’s nice to get a friend’s fresh perspective on old ideas.
  3. Mama. She’s amazing and beautiful and kind and makes the world a better place.
  4. Hulu. On demand The Office episodes late at night when you’re trying to get over jet lag.  So great.
  5. Travel photographs. They are the best souvenirs to take home after a long journey.  I’ve spent the last few hours looking through the set, dating all the way back from May of 2009!  What an amazing year!

Make a list like this everyday.  Try it for two weeks.  Soon, you’ll find that you’re listing more than 5 things each night and then you’ll see what living abundantly really means.  Try it.  I promise it works!

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Perspective

January 22, 2010

It’s been nearly three weeks since we all left the Philippines.  The month-long holiday with the family was slated to be life changing but I didn’t really know then just how much.  During my travels, I will sometimes browse through our pictures and laugh and cry remembering it all.  The love of cousins, the wisdom of aunts and uncles, the sheer joy of our dancing and silliness.  It was all just so amazing.

With some distance of time and space, the more important things come to the surface.  Perspective.  Wisdom. Insight.  Gratitude.  My cousins have all grown up in pretty humble conditions and my parting words to all of them – young and old – was to dream big.  Dream big.  The status quo does not have to be the status quo forever.  Just like my parents dreamt big, they too can dream big and have something better, different, bigger than what they have now.

My little cousin Joy, a few weeks after we left, sent me an email.  She’s 11 and so full of laughter and love.  She said that she missed our time together and wondered how she could email DJ because she can’t write in English (this was all in Tagalog).  She told me about all of her wishes and dreams.  First, she’d always wanted a rolling backpack with wheels.  She’d wanted it since the first grade and finally, four years later, when my Aunt was able to go abroad for a few months, Joy got her rolling bag.  She also told me about how she’d love to see Boracay.  She asked how much it cost, if it was nice, how she’d really like to visit it in the future.  And then she said that her goal is to have a bike someday.

I read this and choked.  She’s nearly 12 and has never had a bike!  She’ll be starting High School soon and to think that throughout her whole childhood, she didn’t ever have a bike!  I emailed my Mom and asked her to send money on my behalf so that Joy can have her bike.  I gave the gift with the message that now that she has her rolling backpack and bike, she can dream EVEN BIGGER.  Dream even bigger Joy.

And it has all gotten me to thinking a lot about how to make a difference in the lives of young girls in third world countries.  How do you motivate them to work hard at school, so that they earn the scholarships that will get them the education that they need to pull themselves and their families out of poverty?  Is it a parenting thing?  A personality thing?  Is it discipline and mentorship and guidance?  Is it funding?  What kind of funding?  I don’t have the answer.

But I do feel that it’s important to empower young women at an early age.  It’s important that they get the education that they need to feel good about themselves, so that they don’t marry early and have children too early.  It’s important that they have a sense of self worth, a sense of confidence and purpose, a sense that they can achieve their goals and dreams.  How do you communicate that to an 11 year old?  How will it all stick?  Is it a matter of making sure that they have their basic needs met, so that they can concentrate on the aspirational ones?  What do they need?  Hope? Pressure? Proof of past successes?  I don’t have the answers but I’d really like to find them.  It’s the kind of work that I think really matters and would make a real difference.

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A few days before leaving Ubud, a friend and I took one last tour to see Tirta Empul, the Holy Spring Temple and Pura Besakih, the Mother Temple. And my were we lucky! This past weekend marked temple celebrations across the island and we were fortunate enough to witness ceremonies and offerings everywhere we went. It was stunning to see whole villages of people, dressed in their finest silks and jewels, walking miles across town with baskets of fruits and flowers to offer thanks to the gods. The smell of incense permeated the afternoons, gongs rang and drums echoed down the streets, and colours, so many colours spilled over everywhere! Though I can’t possibly begin to understand the complexity and history behind Hinduism, it was a blessing to be witness to the beautiful traditional dances, gong ensembles, processions, prayer ceremonies and cleansing rituals that we saw this weekend.

At Tirta Empul, it was youth day. Hundreds of young adults came to wash away their impurities, ward against black magic and bathe anew in the natural spring waters. It was touching to see so many young people rooted in their faith and traditions. They laughed and giggled while in line, but when it came time to pray at the fountain mouths, there was a solemness that came over each and every one of them.

Dan Beuttner did a TED talk on living happier and longer and one of the major conclusions that he came up with after studying centennials from all over the world is that belonging to the right tribe and being a part of a faith based community can add years to your life. I couldn’t help but remember this as I humbly watched the elaborate celebrations happening this past weekend. Even for just a few days, people forgot that they were poor and hungry and came together to give thanks. There is a simple abundance in the acts of faith and gratitude, and both bring true richness to this place.

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I stumbled upon this on Chris Sacca’s blog. Though it does ring quite American centric at first glance, there are powerful little messages throughout. I’ve italicized my favourite parts.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.

So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade.
Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

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Through the heart of Bali

January 13, 2010

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I’ve done a lot of weekend travel through much of Europe. The crazy 3 day Friday evening to Monday morning stints from London to Lisbon, to Dubrovnik, to Paris, to Barcelona, to Athens. They’ve been fantastic and remarkable and beautiful. But more and more over the last year, the desire to see as many places as possible has been replaced by the desire to KNOW a few places really well. Over time, I’v realized that cities on the outside are superficially very much the same. There will be street side cafés with English, German and French language menus, there will be pashminas in every store (and after a few years of seeing souvenirs around the world, I could swear there is a pashmina factory in China exporting to every major tourist spot on the planet), there will be brand name international hotels and there will be gelato shops at every corner. These combined with the exoticism of a different language and the atmosphere of a new place will make for a pretty great three-day binge trip through any major city. But to really get to know a place, to learn about its people, to connect with the soul of a city or land, you have to work through the layers of commerce and Westernism and fabrication that comfortably greets you at the airport, on the high street, in your hotel. You have to take the side streets, get lost, get dirty and risk stepping out of your comfort zone to discover the true heart of your destination.

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This has been the thing that has kept me in Ubud. I came here on a one-way open ticket from Singapore, without an itinerary or address. I wanted to wing it. And though this may not seem like the smartest of plans even for the most experienced traveler, I wanted the place to unfold in front of me as opposed to forcing it open on my own accord. And unfold it has. I’ve been here 6 days now and each morning, my heart sings just a little more for this place. I am greeted by the rain or the sunshine. I eat spicy noodles and fruit for breakfast. And then I have the whole day’s worth of hours to explore, to ponder, to learn or to relax. And like most things valuable and beautiful and worthwhile, the best experiences have come from unexpected blessings that have come along the away. I’ve met some remarkable people from different parts of the world and unlike at home in the crazy rat race of work and traffic and bills, we’ve had the luxury of time to sit in a café for 5 hours and share stories of India and Africa and Vietnam, to talk philosophy and religion and music and the arts. When you start to feel like you are a part of a place, you begin to open yourself truly to the people of a place. They aren’t just your hotel bellhop or driver or storekeeper. They become your guide, your friend, another human being with experiences of love and loss and searching just like you and instead of just connecting about Ubud and its temples, you start to learn about their families, their children, their hopes and dreams. Suddenly you are no longer a tourist nor they the host – you become one in the same. And when that happens, you truly begin to see the heart of a place.

Today, on our drive through the mountains and jungles and rice paddies of Eastern Bali, I learned about my driver Sentanu’s wife and children, how his grandfather was reincarnated as his second son, how after a decade of international travel and work he decided to come back to Ubud to find peace in his life. In the countryside we got caught behind a funeral procession, a whole village of men holding hands, walking with the grieving family to the village cemetery. We visited salt-making villages and hidden lagoons and snake-skin fruit plantations. We passed 4 men carrying a dead pig ready for slaughter. We got caught behind the ringing of a school bell as hundreds of kids streamed onto the road, ready to go home for the day. And for lunch we feasted on nasi champur in a beach cove in Candi Dasa at a local restaurant on the Eastern coast. None of this would have been accessible to me had I joined a tour group or followed the guidebook or not connected with a local.

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What an amazing day. It rains here just as surely as the sun rises. I love that I’ve been here relatively long enough and unbusy enough to know when and how hard this rain will be. I love that I have a favourite café here that I go to for tea and dinner and drinks with friends. I love that I know the hotelier’s first name, and his cousin’s name and his father’s name. And I love that they know where to pick me up at the end of the evening so I don’t walk home in the dark. I just, just, just love it all – my days, my evenings and the wonderful peace that comes over me when all I can do in a day is wander the hot humid streets of Ubud Bali. =)

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At around noon today, it started to pour jungle rain here.  And pour it did for about 1.5 hours straight.  The skies haven’t really recovered since.  The village is damp and humid and I feel like we’re in a moist bio dome that smells of banana leaves and incense.

To shelter from the storm, I decided to go for a massage.  AND OH MY GOSH, I want to hire this woman full time.  Wade (I think that’s her name) did a real number on my shoulders and feet, at a place called Wiwadi Spa, in an open air massage room with a stone shower and tub.  Just divine!  And then halfway through, the power went out in the ENTIRE VILLAGE.  So, under candlelight and a thunderstorm, I soaked in pure luxury massaged in orchid and coconut oils.  What spoilage!

Ubud under candlelight is really something to behold.  It is already so sweet in its own right but walking down the streets in pitch black with only candles to light your way past the restaurants and boutique shops is something magical.  Just SO beautiful.  The crickets sing their songs and couples and tourists, sticky under the heat and damp, share their meals in the glow of fire light.  Soooooo romantic!  I feel like I’m on their honeymoons with them!  SERIOUSLY!

Dinner tonight was divine – nasi goreng (rice and prawns and chicken and so much garlic I am embarrassed to be sleeping with myself), avocado juice and fried banana fritters with grated coconut and crunchy chunks of brown sugar, all for the WHOPPING price of 7 USD!  And all this in one of the best cafes in town (Cafe Wayan).  Imagine how far a dollar could stretch at a local warung (food stall)?

I COULD LIVE HERE.  Seriously.  At least for a few months.  I’d learn to cook, study Hinduism, do batik crafts and then when I’m feeling hedonistic, I’ll head over to Kuta to surf the waves and bump with the foreigners and locals in some crazy club on the beach.  I’ll try my hand in the spa and hospitality business, marketing luxury vacations to high-end clientele from Europe and North America until I get bored.  GAH!

And on another tangent, I’m a millionnaire here.  I’ve got 1.5 million rupias in cash.  Ha.  Pretty funny.  And apparently I am an Indonesian millionaire because EVERYONE assumes I’m Indonesian.  Just like everyone thought I was Thai in Thailand.  I’m just the chama-chama-chama-chama-chama-chameleon giiiiiiirl.

Now, must go find some candles for my room. Like my mother always said, when in Rome, do the Romans!

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To endings and beginnings

January 5, 2010

I am sitting in MNL airport, waiting to board my flight to SIN.  Mom, Dad and DJ have just left for their flight to Hong Kong.  This is the start of my solo journey – first to Singapore, then to Bali and then I don’t know what next.  It is surreal to be here on my own.  For the first time in over three weeks, I am truly on my own again.  After being surrounded by dozens of relatives 24/7 for nearly a month straight, even in a crowded terminal full of hundreds of people, there is a quiet that I can’t describe.

How can I explain the love that is emanating from inside me?!  I didn’t even know it existed, this amazing, overwhelming love that only blood relatives can bring.  With cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents, an unconditional love flowered from the instant we stepped out of the airport more than three weeks ago and since then we’ve been drowning in it.  I am moved, touched, different from when we first came and I hope that I will never be the same again.

Last night, during our leaving party, after 15 years of being away, DJ cried.  He said that everyone filled a void he didn’t even know existed, that they showed him a love that he can’t describe, that he fell in love over and over again with every single one of the relatives he met.  I couldn’t have said it differently.  We all run around looking to fall in love, to feel something outside of ourselves that can complete us somehow.  Family can do that in an instant.  In a smile 15 years overdue, in laughter over memories from childhood past, in a meal cooked with tired hands in a backyard kitchen, family love can complete us.

I feel new, refreshed, whole in a different way.  Knowing that there is an army of people ready to fight for me, ready to catch me when I fall, ready to wipe these tears from my face, ready to welcome me with open arms: there is no greater feeling of freedom and security.  I am washed over with peace, with a wealth and joy inside me that I can’t describe.  So this is what it feels like to be rich.

Though the end of this trip came much too quickly, this new year has just begun.  And I feel blessed and happy and ready to take on what’s next.  There is no searching or longing or looking back.  There is just the world, the road and an unyielding faith that everything will be great.  My family has shown me that not time, nor distance, nor change can conquer a love this strong.  And with that assuredness, my centre of gravity has shifted forever.  It is not place that makes a life, it is people.  And this is the surest compass that I know.

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A gift of giving

December 24, 2009

Today, I received an email with a subject heading that read: Someone special has given a gift in your honour. When I clicked the link, it opened to a page that looked like this:

What an amazing gift. I’m going to name the goat Billy and the chickens Melina and Roger. =) Thanks AP. Such a fantastic thoughtful gift.

Merry Christmas.

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The weight of small things

December 20, 2009

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A few days ago, the family (about a dozen aunts, uncles and cousins) went back to my Mom’s old elementary school to spread some Christmas cheer to about 300 kids from the barrio. My mom has been sponsoring this yearly Christmas feeding for about two years now but this is the first time she’s had the opportunity to visit in person for this occasion.

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She grew up in a single room tin and wood house in a province 2 hours north of Manila. Borne one of 8 kids, she tells stories of nights when they didn’t have anything to eat, when the roof leaked in the rain, when funds were so tight that they had to sell the family dog to afford bus fare for her first day of a scholarship paid undergraduate education at the University of the Philippines in Manila. Like many other Philippine older-children, once she garnered a form of income she immediately started funding the education of her other brothers and sisters. This is a culture wrought with unsurpassed generosity, enormous sacrifice and a powerful sense of respect for parents, family and elders.

Around the corner from this house is Juliana Elementary School and last Friday, as we drove into the narrow road, a lump caught in my throat. Christmas music blared, children played in the streets, and remnants of crumbling wood buildings amidst a dirt school yard brought images of my mother as a child from 40 years ago. I knew it was going to be an emotional day.

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Mom has always wanted to give back to the community where she grew up. Without the scholarships that she earned, there would never have been a way out of the poverty. In her heart of hearts, the most sincere form of gratitude for the many blessings that she has experienced in her life is to give back and provide the same opportunity to those who came from equally humble beginnings.

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After an hour of children’s dances, prayers and speeches, as my aunts and uncles pulled a truck full of warm food into the school yard that afternoon, the lump that caught in my throat earlier in the day couldn’t be contained. I saw my grandfather standing in the yard, 80 years old, now a great grandfather, and I couldn’t help but cry. Four generations of us essentially came from that little barrio and even in the neediest of circumstances, my relatives still found the capacity to give joyfully to others less fortunate than they.

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I felt moved, in awe, blessed by the hard work my aunts put into cooking a meal for 300 children (they didn’t sleep the night before to be able to finish). I saw my young cousins distributing drinks, straws and food. I saw the eyes of hungry toddlers waiting patiently in line for their turn. Such disparity, such hope, such innocent openness. In the poverty I witnessed a wealth that surpasses all material things: the joy of giving, the love for family and community, and an overwhelming sense of servitude and generosity. I was fortunate to be a part of the day but couldn’t possibly take any credit or thanks for the things that happened. It was the hard work of many hands and a burning desire in my Mom’s heart, led by an unwavering faith and gratitude that fed those kids on Friday. I was blessed to have been witness to such generosity.

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These last few months of travel and exploring have pushed me to try and find meaning in whatever I decide to pursue next. And after a few dozen countries and cities and a trip back to the land where I was born, perspective teaches an interesting lesson. Perhaps the richest of us are those who discover early in life that love, generosity, genuine empathy and compassion for others, when recognized and acted upon, may just be the ingredients for a life filled with purpose and fulfillment here on earth.

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Back to the beginning

December 18, 2009

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I’m a banana. Yellow on the outside, white on the inside. This is what friends have always said to me growing up. Philippine born, Canadian raised, Euro/American adult. I’m a bit of an in-between. My brother and I have spent most of our memorable lives in Canada. We left the Philippines when I was 5 and though I remember richly random memories from the short childhood in my native country, I was raised with immigrant ambitions, Filipino values and North American everything else.

Being back here has been crazy/amazing/humbling/beautiful/hard. Such a mixed bag of powerful emotions all rolled into one. It is hard to see the very humble conditions in which my parents grew up but the love, the love love love, present in the eyes and smiles of our relatives make them the richest people I know. What perspective. They live such simple, spartan lives and despite the frequent need for even just the basic necessities, there is an abundance of joy here that I can’t describe. It always knocks the wind out of me, unstitches me in a way that both breaks and opens my heart.

Today, after an incredible few hours visiting with kids from my Mom’s old elementary school – an experience that I’ll write more about in a future post – we went back to the house where my Mom was born. Tin roof, bamboo walls and dirt/wood flooring. Memories of weekends spent chasing chickens and pumping water wells came flooding back. Here, amid a flurry of aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins, we had one of the best homemade meals I’ve had yet: fried fish, beef stew and sour fish soup. It was a room bursting with flavour and love.

These next few weeks will have the power to change me in ways that I don’t think I can anticipate. =)

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