A Girl in the World

Courage

So, how’s it going so far? An update on travel tips

January 16, 2010

  • On underwear.  Remember the packing advice post that I wrote from a while back, when I suggested bringing only two pairs of travel undies made with quick-dry breathable material?  Well, honestly, every night I thank myself for having gotten these undies at REI before leaving California.  They’re not cheap – I think 18$ USD per pair but they are worth every single penny!  They are super comfy, do not give you undie lines and really are quick dry (I wash a pair in the shower every night). I am actually going to buy more when I get home for normal use!
  • On Moleskins. These are my favourite notebooks of all time.  They are leather bound compact journals that are great for jotting down notes and travel information and sketching and friends’ email addresses and addresses and everything!  Mine has been my true companion during my travels.
  • I packed too much. And really, I hardly packed anything at all.  All I really wear these days:  a sarong, a tank top, sports bra, flip flops and hat.  Sometimes I will use my travel cargo pants and trainers.  What I did fail to bring is a long sleeved linen shirt for when I visit Muslim countries (i.e. Malaysia) and need to cover up.  I wonder how much it would cost to mail my extra clothes home?
  • Tripadvisor. Use it, for everything!  I look at reviews on Tripadvisor before I book a tour or a hotel.  And then I compare Expedia’s rates with hotel website rates.  This way, I am getting the cheapest possible deal!  More saved dollars = more massages!
  • Makeup. Haven’t used any since I started traveling.  I am sure my face is thanking me for it, but my back is not.  The makeup bag should have stayed at home.
  • Other things I brought and don’t need: a pair of jeans, 500 tank tops, Lonely Planet’s Southeast Asia on a shoestring (it is crap, go use The Rough Guide instead!), an extra camera lens, contacts and contact solution (I’ve been using glasses when I need them), two reading books (should have just brought one!), painted nails (they look terrible now that they are chipping away and I don’t have nail polish remover to clean them up!)
  • Things I brought that have been life savers: a fleece, convertible cargo pants, sarong, my computer (lets me write, helps me make skype calls, enables me to edit pictures and pretty much keeps me sane!), flip flops, sun screen, mosquito repellant, a hat, silk pajama bottoms (they are breezy but still makes you feel protected if you’re picky with hotel sheets), a universal adaptor

So, thus far, it has been going well.  I still would have packed half of what I brought!  =)

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Everyday, do something that won’t compute

January 14, 2010

I stumbled upon this on Chris Sacca’s blog. Though it does ring quite American centric at first glance, there are powerful little messages throughout. I’ve italicized my favourite parts.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

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The gods must be crazy (if you haven’t seen the movie, go rent it!)

January 14, 2010

I’m sitting in Art Kafe in Ubud for the 3rd night in a row. There are two men playing their guitars, singing live music. I’m at my usual couch, candles strewn all around as it pours rain on the street just a few feet away from me. The usual DOM (Dirty Old Man) has just walked by, said hi and tried to ask me out for a drink. And I just want to cry (in a good way and not because of the DOM). My good friend AV just sent me the most wonderful email and I had to hold back tears. All this after a day of intense introspection. Maybe the ridiculously brutal deep tissue massage that I had this afternoon has a lot to do with my emotional sensitivity today but when someone is working your body that hard, a thousand thoughts a minute can run through your mind on that massage table. All the lactic acids draining from every limb have nowhere to go but your brain! I swear it’s chemical!

I feel like I’m purging a lot of emotional baggage while out here on my own. And I certainly hadn’t planned to come to Bali to save myself from anything or to find something that was lost. I had actually wanted to visit this spa that I have been lusting over for a few years, Como Shambala, after I found their amazing shampoos and soaps at the Metropolitan in London. This place (Como Shambala) is an incredible yoga/rejuvenation retreat just outside of Ubud but after being here a few days, I really could not bring myself to pay $400 USD a night when compared to the $40 USD that I am paying at my gorgeous little place overlooking the pool and rice paddies. I mean, they would have to hand bathe me every morning, spoon feed me my breakfast and treat me like the Queen of England for me to pay that much money for a room relative to what I’m paying now! Luxury in Ubud doesn’t have to be expensive!

Anyway, this time away has been a real purge of all the emotional crap that I’ve been avoiding/carrying/denying for years. I mean, who knew?! Who knew I had things to sort?! Well let me tell you, I definitely have things to sort. We all have things to sort but many of us have become experts at stuffing our issues into small little corners in our closets and linen drawers. But one day, when you decide to trek out to Bali on some fanciful holiday, you’ll discover that your issues all snuck into your pack and they’ll greet you when you come out of the shower saying “HI MAMA!!! WE’RE HERE! SURPRISE!”. So anyway, I’ve been dealing with all of it these last few days and it has been hard hard hard. There are moments when I sit in bed and cry and other moments when I can’t help but laugh. Friends ask me if I ever get lonely or moody or sad and the answer is of course! Of course, of course, of course! My life is certainly far from perfect and I have big fears and big dreams just like everyone else. This time with myself has been liberating but hard hard hard. Hard but good. It’s like there’s this person, let’s call her Denisia, who is here with me and I get to know her a little more every single day. [Yes, I realize I sound cuckoo but that's OK. This afternoon, at another cafe, I actually declared myself cuckoo during a writing exercise. Self awareness, my friend, is worth more than gold!]. So yes, I am traveling along with this girl named Denisia and she really is the most delightful little thing!

I am getting to know her likes and dislikes, her dreams and fears, her real wants vs. her maybe wants. And you know what? We’re having a really great time at this. She surprises me from time to time but it’s all part of the process of getting to know someone new. Often she can’t make up her mind about anything! Massage in the morning and walk after lunch? Or walk now and massage after lunch? Or maybe Monkey Forest Park instead?! Blue sarong, or red sarong? Oh wait, what about the purple yoga pants up in the corner?! And today after 40 minutes at the bookstore, she walked out with NOTHING! NOTHING! All that time deciding and then deciding NOT! I tell you, I could have completely pulled my hair out! And let’s not even get to talking about her future. Sometimes she’s sure of one thing and then changes her mind. But she’s growing on me and I enjoy her company – she’s weird in that endearing not-always-so-scary-or-annoying sort of way. And even though she can break a daily habit out of nowhere (she will order the same thing over and over again until one day, all of a sudden and out of the blue she will order something completely different and then regret it!), she really can be relied on to be sappy and fun and maddeningly cuckoo. But like I said, it’s all part of the fun! And so today, even if she has been bat crazy and teary eyed and craving all sorts of weird things like prawn red curry with chocolate and pineapples (she could very well be PMSing – actually, I could bet my money on it), I am going to accept her anyway. Because you know why?! Because her name is Denisia and it sounds pretty darn close to my name Denise!

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Of ghosts and demons

January 9, 2010

I met a lovely Calgarian couple (Rita and Ken) yesterday on my cycle tour and like so many other Canadians I’ve met on my travels, they’ve done enough miles to circumvent the globe.  It’s always nice to talk to other travelers about traveling.  Usually they’ve learned the same tips and tricks and have garnered insight that you may sometimes think is unique to your own.

On our bumpy ride up to Batur yesterday morning, I learned that Rita traveled through South America in her twenties with her then boyfriend and as she described the ups and downs of traveling with a significant other, I couldn’t help but think about my time in Africa with the boy.  There were moments when I’d wake up completely frazzled, wondering what the heck I was doing in this tent in the middle of the back ass of nowhere Africa, with a boy who could be counted on to fall asleep in the middle of my sentences.  There were days when I would hate the world and could be heard cursing across the campsite and other moments when I felt like I saw the face of God (like when we were descending into the Ngorgoro crater at the break of dawn).  Travel can make you a little crazy.  Like Rita said, it has a way of revealing to you all of your deepest darkest fears and secrets, surfacing themselves through unexpected interactions, hardships, discomfort and prejudices.  The knee-jerk instinctual reactions to situations – the ones unrehearsed and unfiltered –  will oftentimes surprise you.  Maybe you’re not as open, loving, unprejudiced as you thought?  Maybe the things you thought you love to do you actually really hate.  Maybe you really can’t rough it like you so bravely assumed.  Travel is better than talk therapy!  Here are your fears and problems and insecurities – TAKE A LOOK, you can’t run from them, you’re in the middle of nowhere Bali and there is no turning back!  =)

I’ve felt a little cuckoo these last few days.  There are moments of such beauty here that I am at a loss for words.  The smell of the thunderstorms, the ecstasy of the food, the feeling that something spiritual is stirring around me, in every moment.  And in other moments, I feel like I might go deaf in my own solitude.  In the evenings, with no TV or internet to lull me to sleep, I freak out about my life, where I am, where I’ll be, who I am and what I want.  Yeesh!  Those are some pretty heavy life questions, coming at me all at once, in some little corner bedroom in dark damp Bali as the rain patters on the patio.

It has been beautiful and hard and humbling and testing.  Our ghosts are always with us.  Love’s past pains, our fears and insecurities, faces and people and things said that ring over and over in our minds.  In the craziness of life, the ghosts are pushed to the corners of the mind and heart, locked in some closet, hopefully never to be opened again.  But in the solitude and the new, away from the booze and parties and all things familiar, they have a way of revealing themselves and there is no way to escape.  No familiar coffee shop or close friend to run to, no sitcom to lose your time in, no Mama to cry with.  Just you and your ghosts and the courage to face both.

I am definitely facing my ghosts.  They haunt me everyday and slowly but surely, I’m learning to become friends with them.  We gossip about our youthful stupidity, we laugh about the pains and we cipher through the details to make sense of all that didn’t make sense before.  It’s like a puzzle coming together, one that is full of understanding and promise, that soon, everything will make sense and fall into place.  With the chaos will come peace, and when the demons speak, I will understand.

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On the road to mediocrity

June 24, 2009

From Seth Godin’s blog:

Along the way, we settle.

We settle for something not quite right, or an outfit that isn’t our best look, or a job that doesn’t quite maximize our talents. We settle for relationships that don’t give us joy, or a website that’s, “good enough.”

The only way to get mediocre is one step at a time.

You don’t have to settle. It’s a choice you get to make every day.

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The Leap of Faith

June 22, 2009

I quit my job.

[insert gasp here]

There’s a scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade that can describe what I’m feeling right now.

Leaving this place is like jumping off a cliff. The future is uncharted and when people ask me what I’m going to do next, I have business plans, travel plans, tango plans, Spanish plans, writing plans. It both excites and scares me. One door is closing and infinite possibilities are appearing before my eyes.

Google has been a dream. It has been a blessing, a joy, an incredible, indescribable journey. Leaving this place has been one of the most difficult decisions ever. It’s like breaking up with the perfect boyfriend who just isn’t the right fit. There is so much love inside me for this place – for the people, for the wonderful opportunities and the beautiful memories. Google has changed me forever. I am better, stronger, different because of the time that I’ve spent in these walls. And as my days here near their close, I become more aware of how precious the moments are. These are amazing days. I’ve met my two best girl friends / soulmates here, have traveled more of the world than I could have ever imagined, have made friends in countless cities and have witnessed greatness, brilliance, astounding talent every single day. It has been life changing.

A friend, after hearing about my decision, sent me a quote from Steve Jobs’ commencement address at Stanford University from a few years ago. It sent goosebumps through me.

“… you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. “

In my life, I am trusting that God will work wonders. He has worked some pretty incredible wonders thus far. I have always known that I am meant for something different. There are talents to be tapped, lives to touch, people to help, things to learn, places to discover and many many days to marvel at the wonderful blessings that abound. It’s time for me to listen to that burning desire inside, urging me to push myself and discover how high I can fly, without the net of stability that has caused me to procrastinate making the tough decisions. No more procrastinating. Change is good. Chaos is good. Life needs to be shaken up every once in a while. And it has been a while.

It is time.

Great things await.

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A year of self indulgence

January 27, 2009

So, it's 2009 and I'm deciding again, to make this a year for ME.  The original premise back in 2007 was to have a year of indulgence while living in Europe.  Well, I'm still living in Europe and the idea of living independently and indulging in myself and my interests is still alive and kicking.  This year, I've committed to taking much better care of myself.  

I've hired a personal trainer.

I'm concentrating more disciplined time to my photography and to my writing.

I'm planning lots of travel with my best girl friends.

I'm committing to learning something totally new each week.

So far, I've been doing quite well on all four of these initiatives.  I'm so so so sore from my Sunday workout.  I've just completed my first photography book (waiting for it be sent to me in the mail to see if it's ready to publish).  I'm off to Barcelona this weekend with Maria, and then Argentina next week for 10 days.  And I am learning so much about the ads side of the business at work because I've transitioned into a new role.

With so much going on, I find myself completely exhausted by 10pm each night.  It feels like I've lived to my capacity each day.  It feels great.  Whereas last year, I made it a goal to be out, running around in London almost every single night (lots of restaurants, bars, alcohol), this year is turning out to be much more mellow.  We cook dinner in.  We go for walks in the neighbourhood.  We enjoy grocery shopping down the street.  It's a very content and happy life, with random bits of crazy travel sprinkled on top!  

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All I Can See

May 19, 2008

This is one of the most beautifully written songs I've heard in a really long time.  I love the words, the piano, the meaning of it all.  Such a testament to how I am living my life these days.  Just delicious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQcI4vKCBdE

All I Can See – Brendan James

I want to walk through this doorway
I want to open my mind
I want to pledge my allegiance to all I can find.
I want a car that will crash through the barriers
to a road no one knows.
I want to feel less control,
want to bend and I want to land far from home.

The revolution of the earth around the sun
is the perfect lesson of how it should be.
So if i cannot learn
to journey and return,
to never rest till I've seen all I can see…

I want to learn a completely new language,
one I don't understand.
I want to help someone lost, someone helpless,
with the strength of my hand.
I want to come to the base of a statue built
before they counted the years,
and there i'll fall with my face in my hands and cry
and feel their hope in my tears.

The revolution of the earth around the sun
is the perfect lesson of how it should be.
So if I cannot learn,
to journey and return,
to never rest till I've seen all I can see…

Train rides and pastures colliding…
colors and customs i've never seen…
I know I, yes I know I,
I know I will stumble
but time is precious my friend.

Those who journey can easily understand,
the more they see the more they'll learn,
the more that they will be.
So this I swear to you, and this I swear to me,
I'll never rest till I've seen all I can see.
No, I'll never rest till I've seen all i can see.

I want to know where the stength of a person lies,
in their past or their future.
Is it in the way that they hurt or they love themselves
or is it all an illusion?
I want to crawl from this skin that i'm painted in…
Body, please let it give.
I want to find the creator of all good things
and ask what it means to live

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