Finding Wisdom, Courage and Grace on the road less traveled.
I’ve been obsessed with the Holstee Manifesto since it started circulating the net last year. They just came out with a wonderful video and I’m posting it below. I’m so thankful for companies, like Holstee, who force us to examine our lives and inspire us to make the most of our precious time here.
The Holstee Manifesto Lifecycle Video from Holstee on Vimeo.
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When the wind does not blow your way, adjust your sails.
These words spoken by Elizabeth Edwards on the challenges of life and loss.
I’m at a loss for words tonight over news of her death. Earlier this week, we got news of one of Dad’s lifelong friends losing his battle to cancer just one week after diagnosis.
A brush with perspective. A jolt. Yet another heartbreaking reminder of the preciousness and fragility of life.
Tonight, I pray for gratitude, perspective and joy. I pray for presence of mind so that each day I may love, smile and give as if there were no tomorrow.
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Sometimes, there are moments I wish I could take back and do-over. Press life’s Rewind button.
Today, we went to the hospital to get the Boy’s stitches removed (he had minor surgery a few weeks ago and was in for a routine screen). I hate hospitals. Especially urgent care (emergency) rooms. They are creepy. A symbol of pain, heartbreak, stress. I’m one of those people who can walk into a room and instantly feel the emotion of the place. Emergency rooms are not zen, no matter how nicely they’re decorated or how many fun magazines there are on the tables. They make me instantly anxious, so much so that I feel nauseous.
There was a lady in front of us at check-in who was being helped out of a wheelchair. She must have been in her mid thirties and clearly in a lot of pain. Tears rolling down her eyes, she shuffled slowly into a room out of sight. My imagination started running wild with possibilities. What could have happened to her? Why is she here alone? Did someone hurt her? A few minutes later, she was asked to sit in the waiting room across from me (the Boy had gone in to see someone at this point and it was just me and her, with the TV blasting in the background). She looked away, ensuring I wouldn’t see her face and she sat there hunched over, clutching her stomach. I could hear her sobbing.
So much of me wanted to reach out to her and ask what was wrong. I was in agony for her. I could feel her pain from across the bright, lifeless room and I wanted so badly to touch her and give her whatever comfort I could provide. But another part of me feared getting too close. I feared that I was intruding on her privacy, I feared the possibility of being exposed to a world and life much less innocent and different from my own, I feared her pain. My heart was breaking. For her. And because I was so disappointed in myself for my own cowardice.
A few moments later, a nurse came by to give her some medicine and the Boy came out with a happy smile on his face. We could go now. Everything was fine.
Except that it was not.
The moment had passed.
Compassion and love could have been exchanged in that moment, in a time and place when they were needed most, but now the chance will be lost forever. It’s been a few hours now and I am still feeling ill from the experience. Terrible. I couldn’t find the courage to risk my own fears so that I could relieve the pain of another.
I hope the next time, I will be different. =(
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My Dearest Baby Brother,
Happy Graduation!
There was never any doubt in our minds that this day would come but now that it has, I can’t contain my excitement for you. I am so expectant. For years now, I’ve been waiting to see how you will harness all that the world has to offer, to do the great things I know you’re capable of. You are capable of such amazing things. It is scary to imagine just how far you will go. You will go so far. I promise.
But I also know how daunting it can be to leave the comfortable nest of student-hood to face the real world. This feeling of being at the edge of a cliff, looking out into the dark horizon without the faintest idea about what comes next is (in my experience) a constant in life.
Though I certainly don’t presume to know the secrets to success or happiness in this world, the older sister in me can’t help but write this letter in an attempt to share some bits of unsolicited advice.
Advice is a funny thing. Baz Luhrmann once put it this way:
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
And so, with all my love, a bit of fresh paint and hindsight, here are my bits of recycled wisdom. Take them with an open heart and a grain of salt.
One very dear friend told me once, “Denise, life is long. It’s not too late to start playing the piano.” This after I lamented about being too old to learn to play music, too old to become an expert dancer, too old to become an athlete. He is 50 and envisions another lifetime of new adventures. Assuming that you’ll live till at least 90 years old, you’ve got 60+ years of doing and learning and seeing to do! There are no excuses! Remember: the race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Whatever you’re doing and whatever you’re not, you can very easily change directions and try something different..
The past is gone and tomorrow will never come. All you have is this moment. For the longest time I’ve searched for my purpose, the one true thing that I’m meant to be doing in this world. But maybe it’s not about doing some grandiose thing. Maybe it’s doing a bunch of different things that really matter to me in the time that I’m doing them. I’ve learned that what’s most important is being present. Whether we’re spending time with family or friends, whether we’re working or playing, now is the time to give 100% of our effort and attention. Maybe that’s what being present is about. And maybe that’s the way to live the best life now.
Of your time, of your love, of your patience, of your talents. It is profoundly karmic and healing. It opens you up, softens your heart, transforms you into a vessel of abundance and blessing.
Trust in your abilities, trust in the plan that has been set for you by something/someone larger than yourself. There is so much in this world that you cannot control and you’ll go crazy in your head trying to bend others to your will. Trust in the process of discovery and I promise you will find joys and opportunities that you’d never fathomed to be possible.
And know that every step of the way and in every circumstance, we (Mom, Dad, Bear and I) will be with you always. We are so very blessed to have seen you walk this journey and can’t wait to see the next chapters unfold.
All my Love,
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… for here is Felipe’s traveling gift, his superpower, the secret weapon that renders him peerless: He can create a familiar habitat of reassuringly boring everyday practices for himself anyplace, if you just let him stay in one spot.
- Elizabeth Gilbert, of her Brazilian lover Felipe, from ‘Committed’
After months of endless travel, I’ve definitely felt the need to find a nest. Camping through Africa, hostel hopping through Italy, budget travel through Asia – all of it took a toll. Long term, high energy, country-hopping gets old. After a while, each city starts to feel the same: crowded, hectic, modern. It stops being fun when you fail to see the magic. This is why I stopped trying to tick countries off my long list and instead spent weeks at a time in certain cities. I spent three weeks in Bali in a small cottage in the rice fields. We played house in Vancouver for nearly a month. And now I’m here in Buenos Aires until mid June. Sometimes, it takes more than a few pictures, dinners and cab rides to find the soul of a place. And travel where I can to find the soul of a place has become more important to me.
During my early weeks here in Buenos Aires, before I began to get a grasp of the language, I found myself feeling completely isolated. We’d walk by coffee shops full of people, gathered for afternoon tea and I’d long for a group of friends to call my own with whom I could socialize over coffee with. Sometimes home feels so very far away.
But, like a hermit crab, I’ve learned to create a home wherever I happen to land. Immediately I unpack, claim drawer and closet space, find a cup to hold my toothbrush, fill a bowl full of fresh fruits, search for a favourite music station, buy plants that need watering. I don’t just stay somewhere. I move in.
And this phenomenon of being able to take any place – a hotel room, an apartment, a tent – and make of it a comfortable and familiar home, is an amazing thing. Human beings are so adaptable and often I forget just how easy it is to find contentment in a place. I’ve agonized over which city I should choose next, where I’d like to live, what kind of apartment I’d like to rent, what neighbourhood would suit my lifestyle. But then I realize that the daunting details don’t matter so much. What matters are a few simple things:
Last night, fresh after a rain shower, we bought giant daises from a street vendor on our walk home from Spanish school. They lean in a giant glass vase on the living room table. Fresh flowers. Another small thing that makes a big difference in the life of a hermit crab.
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If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the people to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.
- Antoine De Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
Seth Godin often talks about the importance and significance of tribes. Macheads are a tribe. Twitter users are a tribe. Boca Junior fans are a tribe. Entrepreneurs are a tribe. Surrounding yourself with people in a tribe that you believe in or long to belong to is important. If you want to be a musician, surround yourself with people who long for nothing more than to play music. If you want to be a writer, drown yourself in literature that inspires you, surround yourself with good mentors, practice your craft. If you want to be an inventor, seek crazy motivated people who want to make things that matter. If you want to create a charity to help needy women, give of yourself to the women in your community, see what a difference your effort makes and envision a grander plan.
We are what we think and who we surround ourselves with. We are the sum of our efforts, thoughts, desires. And if you’re sitting at your desk doing work that someone else has asked you to do but you don’t truly believe in, the nagging feeling that you’re wasting away hours of your precious life contributing to someone else’s passion instead of yours will soon become a pounding voice in your head that won’t be ignored. Sooner or later, the truth of your heart’s desires will whisper ever so clearly, asking for the space and time and wings to take flight. Are you going to listen?
Sometimes, passion is scary. Sometimes it is our strength, not our weakness, that most scares us. Why? Because we fear most what we want most. Isn’t your greatest desire worth taking a gamble on?
What is my vast and endless sea?
It is the feeling that I am tapping my creative energies everyday, in all I do.
It is the desire to touch others, to help them succeed, to make a difference in the life of one girl, one woman, one person. And then again.
It is the desire to live in the zone of my existence, with a feeling of constant purpose, goodness and love.
It is writing and finding the truth in writing. It’s sharing wisdom, it’s sharing inspiration, it’s using the power of words to share a message worth spreading.
It is the desire to build something with likeminded people, with a common purpose, a shared vision. It is decision making on the fly, it is agility, it is innovation, it is change. It is working in small teams and doing great, fun things.
It is the desire to find wisdom, courage and grace in every moment. It’s lending a hand, it’s sharing insight, it’s learning from the now. It’s giving without the desire to receive. It’s openness and closeness at once.
It is living with arms wide open.
This is my vast and endless sea.
What is yours?
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I welcome the fear, knowing that if I’m not feeling it, I’m in the wrong place.
~ @jenovia
Tonight, I’m antsy. I am happiness and music and possibility all rolled into one big ball of potential energy. I’m like a wound-up rubber band just waiting to let loose. It’s been a busy day. Family, friends, loves. The three things that matter most. Maybe this is why I feel so … full. Brimming with so. much. energy. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Sometimes I feel like there’s just too much. Too much world to explore, too much world to experience, too much world to run around and absorb. Such irony. This stillness, this stability of home fills my spirit with the love of all the people who matter. And with this love, I grow wings. The stillness breeds action. A constant cycle of stop and go, stop and go, stop and go.
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. A search not for a place of permanence, but instead the acceptance of the cycle of change.
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If you haven’t already read The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferris, I highly recommend you do. Though parts of it can sound unrealistic at times, it will change the way you think about work, play and everything in between. Among other ideas, Tim talks about the highly affordable lifestyle of taking mini-retirements while you’re still young, able and energetic enough to enjoy them (like, right now). No matter what age or background, you don’t need a million dollars to spend a month in Thailand learning muay thai. You can do it for a fraction of what it’s costing you to rent your current apartment in your current city. As long as you’re smart about exchange rates and differences in cost of living, hanging out for a few months in a new country is totally do-able. I know this for a fact.
After I got over the very difficult process of leaving my cushy job and severing ties to things like a lease, a phone plan and a gym membership, the ability to spend 2 months abroad (like in Argentina) became a reality. I’m no millionaire. And yes, income is and will become more and more important as the months stretch on but I know that taking time off now is a much easier thing to pull off compared with a few years from now when I might be married, I might be thinking about kids, I might be committed to another job/business/venture.
Wanna learn to speak Argentinian castellano? Or write kanji in Japan? Or make home made pasta in Italy? Don’t wait your whole life to experience things that you’ve always wondered about doing. Life is a long journey and sometimes saving our dreams for later means they may not come at all, so while that desire is in your heart and while you’ve got the resources to do it, stop making excuses and just go! Go, go, go!
Imagine…
… renting a villa in Tuscany for a three month lazy summer. Take fashion classes, learn art history, speak Italian. On the weekends, take the train to Sienna and eat gelato in the middle of Il Campo, the square where the palio takes place. Wander the streets of Florence and bargain for beautiful Florentine jewelry. Discover wine. Lots of it.
… a solo trip through Bali’s lush, tropical inland villages. Take cooking classes, ride bikes down volcano valleys and spoil yourself with a $5 massage every single day. And if you’re feeling up for it, hang out on the coast for a few days and learn to surf off Kuta’s famous shores.
… winter in New York City. Harsh, beautiful, an urban wild. Ice skate in Rockefeller Centre, explore the Guggenhiem, make snow men in Central Park. Light a fire in an old flat in the East Village and relish the fact that the winter is only playtime for you, not forever. Sometimes a new twist on a familiar season will help you see things in a completely different way.
… December in Brazil. Hot, humid, sexy. Milder than scorching January, it’s a great time to sample a tropical Christmas. Learn forro. Brave a Brazilian bikini wax before hitting the beaches of Rio. And when you’re tired of the street dancing, hire a guide and rough it through the Amazon. Come back a toasty, delicious golden brown.
… a life with no boundaries, with no rules, with endless possibility. No lifestyle has to be forever and sometimes, change is good. It helps us to figure out what’s important and eventually, after all of the running around, we realize that place is just place. What matters is who you’re with, what you’re learning and how you’re changing along the way.
Go! Now! Make it happen.
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Yesterday, I met a good friend and mentor for coffee. We’ve been friends and somewhat colleagues for a little over a year now. I did some consulting work for his company while in Buenos Aires last year. After each of our pow-wows, he has always given me the same feedback. He says, “Denise, you’re all over the place!”. He says it in such an exasperated tone that sometimes I think I’ve offended him somehow. =) But he’s right. There have always been so many places to see, so many ideas to try, so many things to learn. From a professional and personal level, I can’t be tamed right now. And I admit it.
These last 8 months of being free from corporate life have been very liberating for me. The travel bug hit very early in the process and I ran around the globe devouring every nook and cranny of Africa, Italy, Argentina, the Philippines and Indonesia that I could find. I felt like a caged bird, wanting so badly to just wander and be free. Back then, I could not foresee a time when I wouldn’t want to be traveling. It was just SO GOOD, SO FUN, SO NEW, SO EXCITING. But you know what? The desire for novel travel experiences does pass. All things pass. It’s one of the many lessons that I’ve learned during the last few years. Everything – emotions, desires, lifestyles – all come and go in cycles. And now, after eight months of living out of a backpack, I’m finally feeling the itch to rest my wings somewhere. Unbelievable, I know!
But wait! There’s a catch!
I want to rest my wings for a few months. Not forever. The idea of a one year permanence is already so hard to fathom. To keep from freaking out about “the permanence of the future” I am giving myself a three month timeline. I can handle three months staying put in one place. And this time, instead of wishing I was somewhere else, wandering another continent, I’m ready for and craving the time to work on something I’m passionate about. Monetizing my own projects has always been a pipe dream of mine and the theme this past year has been about making things happen. Just doing it! So, it’s time to turn the pipe dreams into reality. The long term travel became a reality. The language learning dream became a reality. So now let’s see what other pipe dreams can manifest themselves in the real world. =)
Whenever I have moments of panic about living such a vagabond life, I always remember a conversation that I had recently with my good friend JDC. She has turned down promotions at the accounting firm that she’s working at and instead has taken 3 month leaves of absences over the last two years to travel Asia and South America. She’s about to embark on another long term leave and when I asked her about it all, she said to me, “I have my whole life to climb the corporate ladder. I’m giving myself another three years (until I’m 30) to see the world and do whatever I feel like doing before I have to go and be responsible.” Amen to that Miss JDC. I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s to the next adventure!
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If you’re a girl and you’re planning to trek through Asia on your own, take some time to plan. Asia is a totally different monster compared with Europe and North America. Language barriers, the climate and cultural differences mean that you have to be a little more careful and a lot more resourceful to stay safe and on budget. Though some of the tips below seem quite antisocial, they’ll be helpful when you’re not feeling particularly friendly or open to meeting strangers (sometimes alone time during travel is just as important as social time).
Dress modestly
Leave the short shorts for home, or when you’re traveling in a group. Tank tops, mini skirts, and see-through anythings will draw unwanted attention even from the most well-meaning people (men and women included). If you’d like to travel in peace, don the sleeves and knee length cargo pants. Trust me! Things to bring: a shawl/scarf, hat, sunglasses, sarong, cargo pants, safari shirt.
Take advantage of shuttles
Shuttle services from the airport are a great way to get into the city centre hubs without having to deal with evening cabbies. Places like Singapore and Hong Kong have great airport transport systems (train or bus services) that will save you a lot of money (i.e. 6 USD from Singapore Airport to your hotel doorstep using the van shuttle service). These are an especially smart option when you’re arriving really late at night.
Sign up for tours
Though I prefer to wander cities without a tour guide, when traveling alone group tours are the best way to meet new friends. Oftentimes you will run into the same folks over and over again and can plan travel together. I particularly enjoy cycling and walking tours – they are a great way to exercise, green and intimate.
Travel with an iPod Touch
Download the Skype and Google Maps applications. Wifi is quite prevalent in Asia, even in the tiniest towns. Being able to check email, book hotels and plan itineraries online will be a big help. With an iPod Touch, you won’t have to worry about lugging a big laptop around – and you won’t get charged accidental roaming fees because it’s not your mobile phone.
Bring a book
If you’d like to sit in peace (at the train station, airport, restaurant) without the risk of someone trying to hit on you, bring a book and read it. Nothing says, “I want to be left alone” more than an engaging, engrossing book. This also works well when you’re on a 12 hour flight and the person next to you just won’t stop talking.
Be married
[Feminists will want to shoot me for this one] While in Bali, I met a fellow traveler who gave me the best piece of advice: buy a wedding ring. I was complaining about how hard it is to stay anonymous in Asia as a lone woman and he suggested buying a decent wedding ring (preferably gold) and having a tight story about my (non-existent) husband. After a few weeks staying in Ubud on my own, many of the local people started to notice my daily routine. It made me nervous, especially since the only ones who decided to talk to me about my stay were men and it would usually happen at night on my way home from dinner. Having a tight story about not being alone will help during those moments when you’re feeling threatened or a bit worried about safety.
Trust your gut
Instinct isn’t always right, but you can’t lose by listening to it. Sometimes even the best situations don’t feel quite right. Listen to that little voice inside of you that is just about ready to push the panic button. There’s a reason you’re feeling off and though it might not be so obvious, it’s smarter to listen than to ignore. In Kuala Lumpur, as the days passed, I started to feel more and more uneasy about hanging out there. My hotel wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods (which may have contributed to the dodgy feeling I had), but I found it odd that the longer I stayed, the less comfortable I felt (it should be the opposite). So one night I made a decision to leave – to abandon my India tourist visa-in-process (which was already late in the first place) and just move to another country. The nagging feeling in my stomach and the growing fear I had wasn’t something I could ignore. Don’t ignore that little voice!
Don’t be stupid
Don’t walk home alone in the dark, don’t walk down quiet abandoned streets, don’t follow strangers to areas that you don’t know, don’t forget to lock your door when you go to sleep. Common sense right? Well, just don’t be stupid!
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Hi there! I'm Denise. I share my name with Dionysia, the Greek god of wine, pleasure and joy. I'm a photographer, writer, marketer vagabond. I take photographs of enchanted places and the people seduced by them. This blog is an account of the wisdom, joy and grace that I've encountered along the way, and a place where I showcase some of my favourite photographs.
If you have similar stories to share, have questions about purchasing prints or just want to say hello, I'd love to hear from you!
